Friday, 19 October 2012


When my boys were babies and I fed them, I would sit, snuggled and suddenly a feeling of peace would descend upon me. It felt like all was right with the world. This may have been because I was finally sitting down, or perhaps because I was exhausted and zombie-like. But, with my rose tinted glasses, I like to think it was because I was finding joy in my babies (and, being honest, there wasn't alot of joy to be found in those dark days of bleary eyed exhaustion).

Now they are all in their middle-child years, I find that feeling in other situations. It's now a Friday afternoon. I'm looking out of my window and watching them playing in the garden. Two of them are building a 'nerf base' (how much I laugh to myself about my long ago 'no guns' rule), one of them is practising scooter stunts. In an hour's time, we'll all be warm and snuggled in front of a film together, eating hot dogs and sweeties. Everything inside of me suddenly breathes out and I'm happy.

I'm happy because my boys are having fun outside (despite the fact that it's rather chilly and the back door has been left wide open).
I'm happy because they are being creative.
I'm happy because I have lovely, funny, ingenious boys who are fun to be with.
I'm happy because they are, on the odd occasion, kind to each other.
I'm happy because I have been given these children to love, nurture and prepare for life.
I'm happy because Jonah's little hand still slides neatly into mine sometimes.
I'm happy because they are old enough to do some really fun stuff now.
I'm happy because Toby is making the tea tonight and I don't have to think about it.
I'm happy because they are just being themselves and not trying to be teenagers.
I'm happy because Max has spiked his hair today but, in true Max style, it's a bit wonky and it makes me love him even more for his wonkiness.

And so, for a few minutes I can enjoy that sense of peace and contentment. Now, I know that happiness and peace do not depend on circumstances, but there are times when we can find joy in the different situations we find ourselves in, however small or seemingly insignificant.

At least, I was enjoying it. Now, of course, Jonah has come inside crying. And life goes on.

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