Monday, 10 September 2012

Handy Hints for Little Boys

Little boys and adults seem to be in their own parallel universes. What a little boy may giggle about for hours on end is not funny in the slightest to most adults (I say most, because occasionally I find myself giggling too). They seem to think differently and speak a separate language to the rest of us. And so, to rectify this situation, I have compiled some handy hints that little boys might wish to see. On the other hand, they may also wish to continue in their parallel universe and that would be ok too. We quite like little boy's universes sometimes.

1. Although Mummy may chase you up the stairs shouting "I'm going to pinch your lovely, squishy little bottom", the lady next door might not feel quite so inclined so it might not be the best idea to pull a moonie whilst doing your best bum wiggle in the garden.

2. When we shout "lift up the toilet seat", we mean the whole seat and not just the lid.

3. Whilst you and your friends may giggle for hours about them, most adults do not find wedgies and nipple twists very funny.

4. The whole of life is not a competition. When Mum shouts "Wash your hands for tea", it's sometimes acceptable to be the last one to do it.

5. Although you and your mates may enjoy playing burp tennis or indeed having a whole burp conversation, girls are not particularly impressed by this skill. In fact, it makes us feel rather sick.

6. This may come as a surprise, but hairbrushes and combs are supposed to be used every day, not just once a month.

7. When someone annoys you, it is unecessary to compile a whole long list of names, for example "you fat idiot ugly bumface poohead willybum". Just a "you are annoying me" will suffice.

8. Some people do not like nerf guns being aimed at their heads.

9. If you find, during the course of a meal, that you have not taken a liking to something, spitting it out dramatically and noisily is not an appropriate table manner.

10. Willies are not actually guitars, swords or anything other than just being a willy.

11. It goes without saying that we are all very impressed with your muscles, but you do not need to take off your t shirts as soon as there is a hint of sunshine to show them off.

12. Whilst you may enjoy a small (or indeed large) tussle and wrestle on the floor with your mates or your brothers, your Mum is right when she says it will end it tears. It usually does, so beware of this fact before you engage in the activity.

13. Frogs, slugs, snails, worms or any other kind of creature were not made entirely for your evil intent. Sometimes it's ok to resist the tempation and just leave them alone.

14. Girls are not alien beings.

15. The word "screen" means every screen in the house, including the DS that you were hiding in your bedroom.

16. Yes, you can light farts but always get the permission from the owner of the fart beforehand.

17. Whilst the game "BOGIES!" may be amusing to you, the old lady in the supermarket will not find it funny if you shout it loudly right next to her.

I do hope these have been helpful in explaining some misconceptions and will help to improve the communication between the species.

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