Wednesday, 22 August 2012

Bad Mother Day(s)

Excuse the recent quiet. You, of course, will be rejoicing that I am not wittering in your online ear. I, on the other hand, am not enjoying quiet at all. The tables have been turned and I now have constant wittering in my ears. This irritating noise is preventing me from being able to think, write or even at times speak coherently. I know, you are amazed. The droning hum, combined with the post-camping exhaustion and washing, has produced more Bad Mother Days this week than previously put together in the school holidays. Here is a glimpse of today's efforts:

1. Once I finally managed to drag myself out of bed this morning, I attempted to stay away from the boys so that I didn't have to cope with their early morning nerf gun battles.

2. Delving and digging into the dark, damp recesses of the 'things to do' department of my brain, I made a vain attempt at making a trip to the park sound attractive. They moaned at me "Oh noooo, not that park! We want to go to Sanders park". Instead of standing my ground, I gave in straight away.

3. Armed with bikes, football and my all important book, we arrived at the park where I plonked myself onto a bench with my book. I successfully 'under parented' whilst reading said book. I had no idea where they were for most of the time we were at the park. Every now and then I looked up, clocked their brightly coloured t shirts in the distance, and escaped back into my book again.

4. As soon as the first "I'm boooorrrreeeeed" cry went up, we loaded up the car and came home. I was all too relieved to be escaping the, now full of screaming babies, competitive mothers, tantruming toddlers and pant-showing teenage boys, park.

5. Arriving home with hungry, thirsty boys who had presented me with their food and drink orders before I had even walked through the front door, I ignored them and answered the call of my washing machine (again). Instead of 'perfect mother who makes food for her children' I was 'how long can I ignore my children for before they will give up and make their own lunches?'mother. It worked. They made their own. Yet again, under-parenting at it's best. (Best for me, anyway).

6. I tried my utmost to bake cakes alone, only to be caught out by Max on his way through the kitchen. My heart sank as he asked the dreaded question "Can I help?". While he washed his hands in preparation I tried to speed up the cake making process so there wasn't too much for him to help with when he arrived.

7. Whilst having a lovely, long and luxurious chat with my two sisters, I happened to notice Jonah sneaking past me with the hand soap under his t shirt. Later on, I heard the tap running in the kitchen. When I eventually hauled myself up from my comfortable sitting position, I discovered the washing up liquid bottle empty on the side. Outside, the boys had been making 'potions' and had used all the soap in the house.

8. Screen time finally arrived and I was secretly more pleased than the boys. Of course, I had to still outwardly show my distaste. When Max had his '20 minutes' on the computer (he'd had 10 minutes in the morning) I made excellent use of the fact that he can't properly tell the time yet and his '20 minutes' miraculously turned into 40. Peace and quiet for me, and he still thinks we are sticking to the bargain.

And so another Bad Mother Day has been and gone. Tomorrow my Morning Knight in Shining Armour will be absent and so I plan to begin the day as a bad mother, putting the television on for Jonah when he wakes at the crack of dawn and clambering back to bed for another hour. Toby will bring me a cup of tea in bed and perhaps another Bad Mother Day can be avoided. Who knows?

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