Thursday, 6 May 2010


My days have been so filled with mud, den-making, fires, filling hungry boy's stomachs, Electricity birthday parties (don't ask) and a busy-ness of life that I have not had alot of time to write recently. I have missed it. It does not even matter to me whether anyone reads my ramblings or not (go on... now is your opportunity to delete me from your list...), there is something in me that needs to write. I write to explore my own thoughts and feelings. I write to bring clarity to myself (as clear as the mud that Max rolled in after he had taken off all his clothes).

I have had a pensive morning. In between making mega-block houses for cows and dancing to The Wiggles, my brain continues to function on a different level. It churns over and over and, because I am busy creating Mr Potatohead's different faces, I cannot ever come to any proper conclusions to my thoughts until I can sit and write. I find it very hard to be in this situation when my brain is working overtime and yet my hands are tied to babywipes and runny noses.

Forgive me if I am making no sense. I am (yet again) deliberating my future and wondering what the next step will be once my littlest boy is at school. Whilst I am extremely grateful to have had the opportunity, having been at home with my boys for 8 years, I am more than bored of doing the same things over and over and need to find a way of expressing myself in a different way. When I look at women who work, I am overwhelmed by the adult language they use and the confidence that oozes out of them. I feel child-like in comparison and if I was ever to go for a job interview up against anyone like that I would not stand a chance. After all, I may be an expert at nappy rash, toddler tantrums and feeding a family on a budget, but this just does not seem to transfer to the world of work.

What is the hope for mum's like me who stay at home to give these years of their lives to their children? Which politician in today's election is going to support a mum like me who chooses to stay at home? While other women are advancing their careers, we are cleaning up puke and teaching children how to put their shoes on. When, finally, it will be my turn to enter the world of work, what will I have to offer them?

I know this is deep, and possibly fairly melancholic. As I have said in previous posts I do not wish to offend anyone, especially working mothers, whatever your reason for working. I know that everyone makes their own choices and I am not intending to put any guilt trips on anyone! These are purely my own thoughts and ramblings which I needed to write down!

Aaaah, that's better. My mind is almost clear again now. Back to sorting out the laundry then.....

No comments: