Monday, 5 October 2009


'Tis the season to find conkers..........

And so I find myself on a cold, windy and rainy Saturday afternoon standing underneath several large trees hunting for conkers. Would I rather be inside in front of an open fire watching a nice black and white film and eating chocolate? Yes! Do I want my boys to know the earthy thrill of searching and finding? Yes! So under the tree I stand, for what feels like hours but is actually not even 1 hour, trying to show enthusiasm for something I totally do not understand. Even Jonah was excited to find conkers and held them in his hand for the rest of the afternoon, not willing to relinquish his conquests to anyone else! Jared was finding huge sticks and hurling them up into the tree to rain down conkers on any passers by. I just put up my hood and wished that I was wearing protective clothing.

Now that children are not allowed to play conkers in school anymore (and don't even get me started on that ridiculous health and safety twaddle - I'm sure you will all know what I think about that), I understand the excitement even less.

There are some things that I will never understand about my boys, because they are boys and I, funnily enough, am a girl. I will never understand the need to make gun / bomb noises. I will never understand why it is so difficult to aim properly. I will never understand why sitting down in a quiet room to read a book is not as appealing to them as it is to me. I will never understand why life is a competition that has to be won. I have to accept that, try as I might, I will never have the mind of a boy.

Not having the mind of a boy though does not disqualify me from entering their world as much as I possibly can. Sometimes I try to enter, but get withering looks from them all because I have tried too hard! Sometimes I try, and I actually get it right! What I have to do though is keep trying because if I don't I will lose my relationship with them. I am the main female influence in their lives, and I have to stay girly so that they can understand the minds of girls. I also have to work hard at engaging them at their level so that they will feel loved and understood.

It is not always an easy position to be in, but this is the position God has put me in and I know that He is the ultimate in wisdom, so I trust Him. I trust Him to give me wisdom. I trust Him to give us all we need to raise our boys to be men who serve Him and follow him wholeheartedly with a dogged determination. There are things that I will never understand or know, but thankfully I have a God who does.

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